Well I move in to college in about 3 weeks. I can't believe it's so soon. I really don't want to leave home, I know that probably sounds weird, and 19 year old who doesn't want to get away and be independent and blah blah blah...but I really really don't want to leave! If I hadn't been so miserable at UWM last year, then I would be there again this year and probably still living at home. I shouldn't be complaining, after all it was my decision to move away and to go to Trinity...I don't know anymore...what would have happened if I had stuck with my original plan of going to Carroll last year and majoring in theater? Is that really what I was supposed to do? Did I just royally screw up and totally not listen to what anyone was telling me and just do what I wanted, or at least what I thought I wanted? I hope going to Trinity is the right decision though. I hate having to leave home, and my friends, and my kitties :-(...and I know I'll still be home like every weekend and I still get to go to the same church and see my friends and everything, I just hope things won't change while I'm away...like how things get kinda awkward with people when you're not around as much as usual. I hope my parents will be okay. I'm their little girl...I'm their only kid...I'm worried about my mom. Why couldn't I have just been happy lost among the 25,000 faces of UWM students for the rest of college? It's cheaper, I have a few friends there, I got to live at home, it wasn't extremely hard...why couldn't I just be happy with that? Nooo I want to go to a smaller school thats extremely expensive where I know a grand total of 0 people. Okay well 1 person, I kinda know my roomate, who is a great girl and I am really excited for that....but how do I know Ill even be okay with living in the dorms? What if my only child instincts kick in and I get all snarky because there are people in my personal bubble? I'm too physically and mentally exhausted to think anymore...I give up. I just want to float around and not make anymore decisions and not have to care about anything.

Besides having all of that on my mind, VBS is going really well. It's a lot of fun to do. My mom is in Texas right now with my Aunt helping with stuff...causing me to freak out and have more ranom panic attacks when she tells me what's going on down there with that side of the family.